Sometimes there’s nothing wrong…

With blowing your own trumpet. And today is one of those days. Here’s a question for you. Do you know exactly where you were seven years ago?
I do.

I was lying at home in bed. Being sick, sweating hot & cold, shaking a little, & being sick until it hurt. Dashing to retch over the bath, throwing up nothing, as therewas no more to bring up, but my stomach still going through the painful motions.

I’d just got back from the first ever Supporters’ Team tour, which I’d organised. Back them I was obviously aware I was a heavy drinker, & deep down knew I was an alcoholic. In fact just over a year before I’d stayed on the wagon for just under two weeks, & gone to a few meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. But I went back on the booze, ‘kidding’ myself I could control my drinking. The truth was AA was ready for me, but I wasn’t ready for AA.

For every alcoholic there comes a moment in your life when you can’t get any lower from where you are (though many do fall further into their own personal abyss) & you accept you need help. I was lucky. I knew what AA was, at least.

But I was still very, very frightened. I phoned up a fellow Hamlet fan Madge, & asked him if I could go with him to a meeting the next day. I actually shared my thoughts at that meeting, & was extremely nervous. Worried in case I said the wrong thing! How stupid is that?!

I don’t go to many meeting nowadays, I know where they are when I need them, & I’m in the minority of people who use the ‘rooms’, as we like to call meetings, that hasn’t got a sponsor, or done the AA twelve step programme. Why? Don’t know really. Truth be know I think I’d let myself down, by lacking the dedication to follow them through. And at times I’m quite fragile emotionally anyway, so I don’t really know, or want to know, what can of worms I might open up for myself.

I done ok, anyway.

In case you haven’t worked out yet, I’m giving myself a huge, personal pat on the back, at today marks SEVEN YEARS OF SOBRIETY for me! It’s not something I shout from the rooftops, but I can to so on here!

My life isn’t perfect, not by a long chalk. But it’s moving on, hopefully, where I can start to look ahead to three or four years time, where I will, hopefully, be debt free, & I can start thinking of nicer holidays & maybe even saving money for the first time in my life.

But the most important thing is….even if I feel like shit, or am sinking into the depths of depression, my life is still a MILLION times better than when I was drinking.

I didn’t really think how much this day means to me, until a customer walked into work today. He’s also in AA, & I told him quietly that I was seven years today! He was so pleased, congratulating me, and an emotional warmth came over me, through his genuine kindness, that I almost started crying with joy! I was welling up certainly. And had to pop out the back, away from the public areas, for a few moments to compose myself.

This was three hours ago now (I’m typing this in my lunch-break) & I’m desperately trying to hide a huge grin ever since. But don’t worry I’m inwardly smiling, & I’ve got that all over ‘Ready Brek’ glow!

Tomorrow is just another day…but the greatest thing about it is that it’s a day where I won’t pick up a drink!
One day at a time! Marvellous!