Deepest sympathy...

You would expect a substantial minority of the population to be upset this morning, so if you know any of 'their communtiy' please offer a crumb of comfort & sympathy to them.
Don't overdo it mind. That crumb of comfort' is metaphorical. No need to invite them in for tea and biscuits or you'll never get rid of them!
It's those people who are members of christian sects I'm on about. Actually if you know any Jehovahs you can let them through your door, despite their reputation for people even worse 'doorsteppers' than double glazing salemen they are actually the easiest to get rid of. Sit them down, make them welcome, lull them into a false sense of secuirty. Then go out into the kitchen where they can't see you. Stick a finger up your nose, & have a little twizzle. The bogeys are quite nutricious anyway, and then start gushing a nose bleed. Dash back in with the claret flowing & ask them if they've got a tissue. They soon bugger off!
Today is 'Good Friday'. Which I always find a bit strange, as most of the shops are shut, there's no football as the Hamlet are playing tomorrow, and the Easter Eggs aren't half price in the shops until Tuesday. But each to his own I guess, so 'Good' it is.
It's also the day that Jesus dies on the cross 'for our sins'. Yeah right! You go out and go down the bookies, with a banana in a plastic bag, pretending it's a shooter, & demand the takings. I'm sure when the beak sentences you to ten years he'll change his mind when you tell him: "But, your honour, I'm an innocent man! Jesus Christ died for my sins! He's done thepunishment!"
Jesus Rest In Peace eh? Enjoy while you can, as the crafty git pops back on Sunday. Harry Houdini eat your heart out!
But the fact is today until then he is brown bread. So if yo know any genuine, misguided, bona fide, card carrying bible bashers put your arm round them and confort them in their time of need:
"Sorry to hear about your loss mate"
-Quizical looks.
"Deepest sympathy. Was he ill? He was quite young?"
-"erm who? I don't know anyone who's died"
"Yeah that chap you're always talknig about. The decent sort of bloke...."
-"....???????????????...."
"Oh whatsisname? Magician chap? Oh gawblinmey, it's on the tip of my tongue. Jesus Christ, I should know it...JESUS CHRIST! That's the geezer. Sorry about him snuffing it today. At Easter of all times..."